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Dear Kole

Dear Kole,

My little buddy.  You turned five years old today.  FIVE!  I blinked and it happened.  My baby is growing up.  We had your Kindergarten orientation last week.  This is my third time doing the Kindergarten thing so you’d think it would be pretty routine.  I was fine while they introduced the Kindergarten teachers.  Fine when they talked about your schedule.  Even fine when then showed us the Kindergarten classrooms.  But then they took us outside and showed us the little tables you’ll sit at to eat your lunch.  And the little playground where you’ll play at recess.  And suddenly my heart started to hurt so badly and I couldn’t hold back the tears.  Your dad looked at me and just shook his head.  And I know!  I’m crazy.  If I’m already this emotional and it’s just orientation time we are in big trouble on the first day of school.  But it’s hard.  You are my baby.  My only boy.  My little sidekick for life.  Or so I wish.
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A few things about wonderful you right now.  First of all – the two of us are so close Kole.  Unbelievably close.  It has been that way since day one and your sisters and dad tease us about it.  We like to do everything together and go everywhere together and we have a language all our own.  Sometimes I spoil you.  Ok.  All the time I spoil you.  :)  Don’t get me wrong – I am firm when I need to be (and you give me lots of times that I need to be!) but there is also so much love going on between the two of us every day.  A love fest some might say.  I shower you with hugs and kisses and you tell me “you’re the best mom ever” and I melt like putty in your little hands.  We snuggle a lot.  And read stories.  And when I put you in bed you always yell after I close the door “I love you mommy!  Have good dreams!  Night mom!  I love you!  See you in the morning!  Night mom!  I love you!”  And I say the same right back.  Sometimes this goes on for five minutes.  We have serious separation issues.  :)
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While you are a true momma’s boy, you definitely love your dad and sisters too.  You get so excited to see your daddy each day when he gets home from work and if anyone asks you your favorite thing to do it’s to “go to the Zoo with my dad!”  You also love helping dad with “work.”  Anytime dad is in the garage or yard you are right by his side “helping.”  I don’t know what he would do without so much help.
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Your sisters love that you are finally old enough to really play with them.  The three of you can often be found on the trampoline or riding your scooters and bikes around the yard together.
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These two take GOOD care of you.  You pretty much have three moms hovering around you all day making sure all of your needs are met.  You have no idea how good you have it buddy.  :)
Another favorite activity of yours is hide and seek.  You never get tired of hide and seek Kole!
You have become REALLY good at it.  :)  You also love playing with your race tracks, dinosaurs, snakes, stuffed animals and transformers.  You love to group all of your toys together and carry them around in baskets.  Categorizing and baskets.  No wonder the two of us get along so well.  :)
You absolutely adore your grandparents Kole.  All of them.  Utah has become a magical land where nothing but fun happens.   You talk about “Utah” like it’s the best place on earth and countdown to each and every trip we take.  I love the special relationship you have with your grandmas and grandpas.  They all adore you.

Your favorite things to eat are noodles (of any kind), turkey, waffles and popsicles.  You really love popsicles.  I had to tell you that they “weren’t selling them anymore at the store” because we needed a serious break from the popsicles.  Then you came shopping with me a few weeks ago and “guess what mom!!  Vons has popsicles again!”  Just great.
You like to ask questions.  You ask me questions all day long.  About anything and everything.  You still don’t like to wear pants or anything long sleeved.  I’m so grateful we live in a place where it is mostly sunny.  You’ll be in big trouble if you ever move anywhere cold and actually have to wear a coat!

You really dislike being alone.  You are such a people person and always want someone with you or at least nearby.  If you aren’t minding me, all I have to do is suggest a time out away from everyone and you shape right up!  You have such a friendly personality.  Everywhere we go you say to random people “hi!  my name is Kole!” and then tell them a random fact about the day.  We have a hard time getting through the grocery store quickly because you are chatting it up with anyone who will listen.  :)
You love to read buddy.  We could sit and read books all day.  I love walking in a room and seeing you in a chair reading.
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You have come so far Kole.  They delays you had in speech and other areas when you were 2 and 3 are completely gone.   We just had a meeting with your preschool teachers and it couldn’t have gone better.  You are right at or above where you need to be in every area.  The two of us have worked so hard the past few years with your therapists so this meeting was one to celebrate!  I couldn’t be more proud of all you’ve accomplished so far in your little life.  Your teachers also said you are quite the charmer and that they all adore you.  I can’t say I was surprised to hear this one.  :)

I’ll never forget the day your dad and I went to the doctor and found out you were a boy.  I’ll never forget the feeling that swept over me and how I knew.  I just knew at that second that you would be such a blessing in our lives.  I knew you were meant to be my little boy.  I knew that I loved you more than my heart could begin to handle.  And I was so right.  You make me happy Kole.  Every day.  Your smile and your laugh and your voice and your silly little quirks and your hugs and your unconditional love make me so happy.  Thank you for all the happiness you bring into my life.  I’ll love you forever.  And then for longer after that.  Happy 5th birthday sweetheart.


Love, mom

xoxo, Erin
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42 thoughts on “Dear Kole

  1. hey, erin, and a very happy late birthday to your sweet kole! he reminds me of my nephew so much. he was also not ready to speak and walk when everybody was expecting him to do so and had a really special bond with his mom from day one AND was also a third and youngest kid. when he was 6 years old nobody could ever imagined he was once ”delayed”. (don’t like this expression at all). well, he is 17 now, a perfectly happy, charming and smart teenager, who still loves his mom more than anything, even though he is a little embarrassed to admit it. ;) all the best to you, erin.

    1. LOVE this Sara! I hope Kole still loves me the same way at 17! Even if he won’t admit it. :) Your nephew sounds amazing! Thank you! xo

  2. Oh my goodness Erin, this made me tear up big time – I can only imagine how you must be feeling! Watching your kids grow up must be such a mix of emotions – excitement for all the things to come and heartache for all the things that have passed that were so beautiful. Your birthday letters to your kids each year are such a gorgeous gift to them, they will treasure your words for the rest of their lives xx

    1. Brooke you couldn’t have said it any better! That is exactly how it is and how I always feel. Such an exciting/sad time with the big milestones like this one. Thank you! Your kind words mean so much to me. xo

  3. What a lucky little boy to be loved so fully and completely. What a lucky mom to have such a wonderful sidekick and a joyful, friendly son. What a beautifully positive post. Thanks.

  4. WOW, Happy Birthday Kole! I’ve been reading your mommy’s blog for about as long as you’ve been in this world. Erin… Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us. This truly is the “sunny side up” blog because your posts and pictures always warm my heart.

    1. Tondra you just made my day! What a kind comment. I’m so grateful you still read my blog! Your sweet comments always add to the sunny around here. :) Thank you sweet friend! xo

  5. Happy Birthday, Kole!!!

    Erin, you write such sweet letters to your kids. And that first pic is just beautiful!

  6. Happy Birthday Kole! I hope he had a great day being celebrated! As I read through the birthday post it felt like I was reading a post to my 4 year old son! We have such a similar story. I too have my little side kick that will be starting (preschool) in the fall. I am already so sad and it will only be 6 hours a week! I cant even think about full time kinder in a year….

    1. Oh my word I know! It’s just the hardest thing when you are used to having them with you all or most of the day. Plus just saying good-bye to the end of an era.. K now I want to cry again! xo

  7. I had to stop reading the post because I, too, have a 5 year old boy, my baby, going to kindergarten in the fall. It is tearing me up inside! I knew I’d be in tears if I kept reading :)

  8. Love this post Erin. There is something very special about a son. He is getting so big. He is such a beautiful boy. Time does go by so quickly. I still love the picture of him under the bench. It always makes me smile.

    Happy Birthday to your sweet boy.

  9. Happy Birthday Kole!!!!

    I know what you mean Erin… when I found out my son was a boy… can’t even describe it in words!!! My lil man is in kindergarten now , so I can only imagine what the first day will be like for you. enjoy him!!!

  10. Happy Birthday to Cole! What a beautiful letter to your son. He doesn’t know it now, but he can look back and cherish forever. Its better than any gift you could have bought him.This made me tear up :)

  11. Kole is 22 days older than my youngest son Andrew. I can so relate to this as he is such a bright happy presence in our family and is my little sidekick. I can’t believe he is nearly 5 and going to kindergarten next year! It sounds like your kindergarten may be all day?? Ours is only 3 hours for which I’m grateful!

    1. They just changed it to all day for next year! Ahhh! I was happy and then terribly sad. :) He will go half day until October so it will be a smooth transition, but full day after that. I am really going to miss him being home with me. Lucky you have one more year. Enjoy every second! xo

  12. Beautifully written! Brought me to tears… although it probably doesn’t help that my baby turns 1 this week and I can’t believe how fast the last year went. I have a boy too and I never knew how special it could be. Mommas and their boys have a precious bond!

    1. Jana! I was such a mess when Kole turned one! That was a HARD birthday for me. One and five have been the hardest. Time just flies by too quickly. So happy you are enjoying your sweet little boy! It’s so true. Nothing like the mom/son bond. Happy Birthday to your little one! xo

  13. Hi Erin! Happy Birthday to Kole! There is definitely something about a Mother and her boy. I have two boys, 15 and 16. My love for them goes beyond the stars. I have loved every single second of being their Mom. Now, I am faced with one leaving for COLLEGE in two years and then….the other one RIGHT BEHIND HIM!! They are one year apart in school so I feel like I am going to be losing them both at once. My poor husband, he keeps saying “God help me”! Enjoy this time you have with Kole. I would GIVE ANYTHING for my boys to be back in Kindergarten. I know what you mean, it is like an end of an era, a chapter in life that you can never get back. It stinks ! Why didn’t anyone tell us that loving our children could feel so wonderful but hurt at the same time? Your children are very lucky to have such a loving Mom. If it makes you feel any better, my boys STILL kiss me goodbye in the morning before they leave for school and tell me they love me before they go to bed. I’m guessing your little buddy will do the same for you at that age. It’s how it goes with a mother and her boy :) Hope he had a great day! xo Joy

    1. Joy!! I want to cry with you! Oh my word. College and moving out. I can’t handle it! It is seriously SO hard. You cherish each stage but like you said, it’s heartbreaking to say goodbye to each chapter of their lives. I remember when me and my sister moved out – one right after the other. My mom had such a hard time and I didn’t completely understand it. Not like I do now anyway! Your boys are lucky to have you too! My fingers are crossed Kole still kisses me and tells me he loves me at age 16 – even if he doesn’t want anyone to know about it. :) Write me after they move out if you need a shoulder to cry on! Or with! ;) Thank you Joy! xo

  14. I’m finally getting a chance to read this and it’s so beautiful!!! You can just feel the love you have for him and from the pictures, it’s mutual ;) What a wonderful tradition. Thinking I may start this year in your letter writing footsteps. Is it too late?!?! Great job, mama xo

    1. Thank you Gina! Oh my word. I started answering your question about starting letters on Instagram – wrote you this big long paragraph – got distracted and didn’t hit “send” and it erased it all! I was so mad! And too tired to type it again. :) But my answer was it’s never too late! I would totally just start them now. There are years I have missed so the girls each have holes – but I figure something is always better than nothing. They will cherish whatever you give them! xo

  15. 5!!!! How did that happen????? Happy Birthday sweet Kole. I know how very proud you must be in all he has accomplished. And, I can so relate…sending the “baby” no matter how many have gone before them off is soooo hard. For me it was knowing that each thing they did would be the “last” time we would do “said” thing. One of the hardest things for me was the day I packed Katie’s last lunch her senior year. Elie told me she cried the day I quit packing her lunches! LOL Enjoy every moment.

    1. Lauren! The last lunch! I can’t stand it! Although right now it sounds pretty darn amazing to not have to pack lunches anymore… ha! :) Thank you so much! I love hearing your wisdom/advice/stories since you are just one step ahead of me in all this! xo

  16. What a sweet letter! Thank you for sharing with us. I can totally relate, because my youngest son turns 5 today as well! The time has went by so fast, but it’s so fun watching him grow up too. :-)

    I love, love, LOVE your blog. Keep up the fab work!


    1. Oh my word – thank you Sarah! Such a sweet comment. I’m so happy you enjoy my blog! You made my day. :) Happy Birthday to your youngest too! xo

  17. What a cutie pie! I also have had the experiences that the first day of Kindergarten doesn’t freak me out, it’s the day we do Kindergarten registration. Our twin boys are finishing up Kindergarten this year and it is crazy how much they’ve learned this year!

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