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One year

Someone at our house had a birthday today.  

Despite my best efforts to stop it from happening, my sweet little man turned one.
Kole was excited.  For what he didn’t know.

What he did know was that everyone he saw throughout the day was awfully happy to see him.  And smile at him.  And sing to him.  And he quite enjoyed all of the attention.  

What he didn’t enjoy was his birthday hat.  He humored mom just long enough for a few pictures, and then was done humoring.  

He was a bit unsure about his cake,

but after immense coaxing and excitement from his sisters,
he decided it was a good thing after all.

So now my little man has moved from size 6-12 to 12-18 months.  

I have survived my very last “year of the baby”.  I thought it would feel so good.  And can I be honest?
 It doesn’t.  

I sat down last night and started a post at around 8:00 pm.  A post all about my sweet Kole.  Random pictures from the past year and random things about him that make him so special to me.  By 9:00 the tears were flowing from my eyes so quickly that I couldn’t see my computer screen.  I couldn’t finish the post (obviously).  I cried for two hours straight and have continued to cry on and off throughout the day today.  Words can’t express how much this little boy means to me and how grateful I am to have him in my life.  And I guess I’m having a harder time than I thought I would watching him grow so quickly.  Where did that year go?  I was just bringing him home from the hospital.  It feels like last week.  Those of you who have followed my blog for a while know that I can’t have any more children, and I’m so ok with that.  This isn’t about wanting another baby.  I guess it’s just about wanting Kole to stay my baby forever.

Happy birthday sweet boy.  You bring so much joy to this family and I treasure each moment I get to spend being your mommy.  
xoxo, Erin
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41 thoughts on “One year

  1. Very fun post for a darling boy!! I am proud of you for 1)Writing through your tears. 2) Coordinating his high chair, birthday cake and birthday hat colors…makes for great pics! 3) Not putting a bib over his stripy sporty outfit even tough you knew it would soon have various shades of blue frosting smeared amongst its stripes.
    Happy Birthday Mom!! You definitely earned this blessing:)

  2. oh, this post made me cry. it is SO hard to watch them grow up…but would be harder if they didn’t, you know? ((((hugs)))) happy birthdy, kole! you are a very special little guy with such an amazing family surrounding you!

  3. Those words are truly from a mommy heart…and spoken so well. Happy Birthday to your precious one year old. I’ll tell you a secret…little boys are ALWAYS their mommy’s boy….always.

  4. Happy Birthday Kole from the looks of things I am sure you had an awesome day.
    Erin he is 1 your only son, 2 your youngest, 3 your last child, soooo HE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR BABY but you are soooo right the time flies and before you know it poof they are all grown up. Not that I need to tell you this but just enjoy every moment and keep taking those pictures. Thanks for blogging and sharing your precious family with us all. Donna in ND

  5. First, I love the icing in the eye lashes! Also, I so understand about it not being about another (because I don’t want any more), but about the fact that our babies grow into little people so quickly. We just have to remember the joys that the upcoming years will also bring as they develop and grow into amazing people. Happy birthday Kole!

  6. Ahhh….. I love it! This is the exact reason I’m trying to take more snidbits of my munchkins on video rather than all on pictures. I love pictures, but they don’t let you hear that sweet precious voice, or catch how they are walking… so I’m trying to be better about video, I’m already pretty good about pictures. *sigh* My heart overflowith!

    Hugs from Kansas!

  7. I just went through this with my son 2 weeks ago. I was so sad, it took everything to get excited to celebrate. Just like you, I remembered going to the hospital, the 2 nights there loving on my little boy, then coming home and my 23 month old at the door waiting with balloons and her big sister shirt. And that seriously feels like last week! I remember those 48 hours so clearly and everything else is a blur. Sigh…it goes too too fast! Luckily each stage seems to be as good or better than the last!

    So on that note, how about a blog post on convincing husbands that a 3rd baby is a great idea!! I think I remember in your early blog posts, you wanted one more and Kenny was happy. Tips?? ;)

  8. Happy 1st Birthday Kole!!!!! He is one lucky little boy to be surrounded by adoring parents and big sisters!!!! It is so hard watching them grow up! My baby will be ten at the end of April and I really don’t know where the time has gone! Enjoy your sweet, adorable little boy and your beautiful little girls!!

    Kathy F

  9. Happy Birthday Kole! It’s been so fun watching you grow this year and seeing your beautiful smile light up my computer screen :))

  10. It is so tough! I have two and my husband says that is enough!My son (the last) was such a fussy baby and he is only 22 months younger than my daughter. I was so overwhelmed when I had him that I never enjoyed the year of the baby! I missed it! I am so glad you have gotten to enjoy him as much as you had!

  11. I cannot believe he is already one! My little man is 7 months and I know we’ll be celebrating his one year birthday before we know it… so, SO sad! But we are also so blessed to be able to watch these little miracles grow, aren’t we? ;0)

  12. Happy Birthday to your sweet little man with the continuous smile on his face. I swear that’s just about the happiest baby that I’ve ever seen.

    Oh, it’s so hard when that first year passes! I know the sadness all too well, having gone through it enough times. For me, I always have had the back up thought that well, I will probably have another baby…so I get to do this first year again one day! But you know what? It’s never with the same baby, now, is it? And yes, there is a mourning period when you realize one of your children is exiting the infant stage and entering the toddler stage. I, too, want them to stay little…just a little bit longer!

    The hardest part about being a mother is letting go, and believe it or not, it starts after that first year! You have to let go of being constantly needed (as they learn to wander about by themselves and want to be independent from you!) and then once they exit the toddler years, again you have to “let go” when they make friends in preschool and want playdates and all that. Suddenly, you are not “the bomb” anymore and they want to spend time with others besides you. And you know, it just goes on and on….one “letting go” after another. I have one who will be 20 next month. Soon he will be out of the house. I believe that’s the final letting go, huh? When they move out? He is my first, so I have no idea how I’m going to do with this!

  13. The first post I read of yours was a link from another to pray for you. It was when you went to the hospital after you had Kole. I’ve been a dedicated reader since.

    You’re an beautiful & awesome mother & your childen are beautifultoo!

    Happy birthday to Kole who has been blessed with a wonderful family to grow up with!


  14. Happy birthday to your adorable little boy!! And congratulations to his parents for surviving his first year! I know those tears; I can feel those tears from just this morning when I couldn’t bear to put some of Frances’s first Mary Janes shoes in the “Goodwill” pile. All I could think of is that scene from “Father of the Bride” when the daughter is telling Steve Martin’s character that she is getting married and he sees his tiny little girl in curls accross from the table. Yes, that will be us – wanting them to stay small forever!!

  15. My baby turns 1 on April 21st and I too am in denial and want him to stay his sweet baby self forever! I am finished too and don’t want another baby…anyways my point is I totally understand!

  16. He is such a cute boy!! I wish so much that we lived close…I just know they would all be such good little buddies!
    I know what you mean about feeling sad that they are growing so fast. And knowing it’s the last makes it really difficult! I absolutely know that I am done but I feel so sad about it too. I heard on a show of women that were talking about this and the one said that she actually had to go through a mourning period….mourning that that phase of her life is over. We looks so forward to having our babies and so we’re sad knowing that we’re done having a baby. I think it’s so true!

  17. Well, let me just say, remember just how much you treasure each moment with him when he starts walking and ripping apart everything in the house! :) But seriously, I can.not. believe he is already one! It really does seem like you just had him! But look how amazingly well you’ve done this year….kept the house clean and organized, gotten lots of projecting and scrapbooking done, become famous…you’ve done so much! All in the year of the baby, so good for you! But yes, I totally agree with your feeling, can’t they just stay little?!

    Happy Birthday to Kole! The pics are all SO cute! His look has really changed recently, he really looks so big with all those teeth!

  18. Happy Birthday Kole! I have been following your blog for a little while now and my Kendall is a week older than your Kole. Your post today brought tears to my eyes as I did the same thing last Friday on Kendall’s birthday. I hope Kole had a great birthday and it sure looked like he enjoyed his cake!! I wish they could stay babies forever!!

  19. Oh my goodness! Happy Birthday to one Handsome Little Boy! You are such an awesome Mom! If I could I would give you a great big HUG! Do you feel it coming through the comment I am leaving!? You are such a wonderful lady and I am so happy to know a bit about you through your blog/e-mails. You inspire me and I am grateful for you and your adorable family!

  20. I still feel that way about my ‘baby’ boy who is seven….every minute he grows is heartbreaking. I have often wondered if people will look at me strange if I am still trying to cuddle him at 16 ;)

  21. Erin, I feel you..I have 2 girls and a boy and no more. My lil William turn 1 last month and I want him to be my baby forever.:)

  22. Erin, I have been looking at your blog for a while now and can relate to this post my daughter will be 1 in may… It does go by SO fast.I am a stay at home Mom as well. I have a son who is 6 and in kinder. I love how you are so organized it makes me wonder sometimes am I doing enough. Some days are better than other with babies I’m sure you know that. :) Just though I would Finally comment . You can check out my blog at Feel free to comment . Hope to hear from you soon.

  23. Happy 1st birthday to your little boy! I enjoyed reading your post…my baby’s birthday is the same day only he turned 5! I can’t believe it! He is my only and I am so grateful for him and also dream about the day we give him a brother or sister.
    I love the picture of your girls playing with Kole in the basket!!!!!

  24. Speaking as the baby of my family and the mother of 3, Kole WILL always be your baby. He’ll just get bigger!! Enjoyo it all!

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