Monday, April 26, 2010

Last Week

Last week lots of time was spent bonding with Kole.

Last week I went to the doctor and was told my blood levels are getting better. I'm still not "normal" but getting closer. The nurse asked how much blood I received and when I told her 5 units her eyes about popped out of her head. I seem to be getting that reaction from medical personnel a lot lately.

Last week I started having serious second thoughts about my decision to place scrapbook supplies right next to Kole's changing table. Everyone warned me that boys "spray" when you change their diaper. Everyone wasn't kidding. My trash can full of ruined scrapbook supplies are evidence of this little fact.

Clearly, changing Kole is a two man job. One that should happen far away from my favorite letter stickers.

Last week Kole and I watched a lot of TLC's "What Not To Wear." Catching up on fashion tips and being able to sit and cuddle with Kole have been bright spots in my recovery period.

Last week after my parents left, Kenny became Mr. Mom.

He traded in his clients at the law firm for a couple of new clients. Clients who spend their days baking cupcakes and playing chase at the park.

Last week Ellie's seed from her field trip to The Flower Fields finally started to grow.

Last week I cried. A lot. Kenny tried to so hard to cheer me up. He suggested I sit outside in the sunshine, but I told him I was too pale and didn't want to sparkle and give away my true identity. ;) He said "do you need to organize something?" So I went upstairs, dumped out the girls toy bins and sorted toys. Barbies in one pile, princesses in another, my little ponies in another... very therapeutic.

It took me an hour to organize and will most likely be messed up in less than an hour, but for that hour, I felt like me again.

I didn't feel like myself for a lot of last week and I'm beginning to miss me.

Hopefully this week will be better.

37 comments:

Brad and Kaci said...

Oh man! I hope you start feeling like yourself! How frustrating! I think your amazing!!! And Kole is adorable! And that pale skin......I definately don't know what it is like to have tan lines either. Unless of course they are red and white.

Kami said...

If I were you I'd want to cry a lot too. Thankful cries, sad cries, hormonal cries...all of it. You have just been through so much, you can cry for the next 6 months. I'm glad you can enjoy little Kole with all that you are going through.

Donna said...

Oh Dear Erin, I am so glad that your are here to say that all you want to do is CRY. Go ahead, do it, cry to your little hearts content. I am sure you are overwhelmed by all that has taken place with you. Just remember to lean on your family and loved ones to they are all there for you as we are here in blogland. Not a day goes by that I dont think of you and wish you all peace. Hugs N Prayers Donna ND

Kelli said...

Here's to a better week! Here's to more cuddles and an increase in blood levels. Here's to getting You back. I love that your husband asked if you needed to organize something...touching right on a love of yours.

Christy said...

I am so glad you are getting a little better everyday. I am sure with the energy level you are used to having, you have to be frustrated right now but i'm sure you will be up and at em in no time. I wanted to say I totally ADORE the picture of Addison with her hand on Kole's head just admiring him - what a priceless picture.

Sara Ancich said...

If it means anything, i am glad you are back. I am glad too hear you are home. I am happy to see pictures of Kenny's paternity leave. I really hope the strength comes to you to feel yourself again.

Megan said...

Hi Erin,
I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you are feeling better! I have been following your beautiful blog since Sarah at Clover Lane posted about you, so I thought I should say a proper hello! Your family is precious and I am thankful that you are home, getting to enjoy them all. You have been through quite a lot, and your experience reminds me to stop and enjoy the small moments with those I love. Best of luck on feeling better soon!

Becky said...

Wow - you have been through so much. Tears of exhuastion, gratitude, hormones, sad, relief -- can't imagine. You are in my thoughts and prayers and keep checking in to see if you had shared an update. Your beautiful writing and sense of humor is there. Love to you and your family and continue to get well.

Jamie said...

Glad to see that Kenny has been able to be home with you. I am so sorry that you have been feeling sad these past few days. That just totally breaks my heart... I went through that after having Emma Lee (a lot). The thing is... I never cried. I needed too but I let it all stay in. (Not a good thing either.) Please know that I am here for you and if you need a friend, I am just an email or a phone call away.

Deena ♥ Curtis said...

The pic of you holding Kole he sure looks like Kenny there. Glad you could "organize" something I wish it was therapeutic to me.. it's just an overwhelming job when I do it! :-)
Glad you are on the mend slowly but surely. Kenny makes a great Mr. Mom..
And YES boys to spray constantly the first few months!! (ask your cousin)!

Shari said...

Oh Erin, I know you're not feeling like yourself. I can see it in your eyes when I come over. But, I know you won't feel like this forever. So sorry things have been so hard.

It will get better day by day.

I'm here for you in the meantime.

Becca Taylor said...

Erin,
I am so glad you are feeling better. You will be back to normal soon! I have been following your blog for only just a short time, but I have been praying for you!

And I actually have a quick question for whenever you feel like answering :) I am about to graduate college with an Early Childhood degree, and I couldn't help noticing your binders that say"Erin's Portfolio" and "Erin's teaching days". I am trying to figure out how to organize all of my school stuff and I would love to see how you do it! I love to scrapbook and organize like you, so I think your ideas will help a lot!

Thanks so much, and I am praying for you!

Sarah said...

Erin, you will feel better soon. I think it's because we do so much, we like to be in control of our houses, and in charge of our lives. When you can't do all that because of your health, it does something to your brain. The feeling will be over soon...it's the trusting that it will happen on it's own that is the part that gets us all scared. It will!!!!
Looks like you need a big plastic pee tarp for that scrapbook table...or maybe that can just be a creative element...dried, pee pages! :)

Katy said...

Erin it all will get better. Give it TIME. I know time is moving slowly (yet fast in some ways) since your stuck on the couch but PLEASE stay on the couch. Once you start going there is no going back to that couch time. You know I've been there and I did not give myself the time I should have. I so wanted things to be "normal" again. Normal comes all to quickly. I'm glad you are bonding with Kole. Sit in the sun (when it comes back) and sparkle away :)!!!. It will do you good.

Erin said...

I am glad you are starting to get better. I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon! Yes, little boys spray. Landon was my first and I was stunned that I didn't think about that until it happened. I'd stay clear of your scrapbook supplies if I were you. :)

Jess said...

I'd be crying a lot too! One step at a time, girl! I'm close by {same city}, we'd be more than happy to drop off a meal for your family if need be. Feel free to email me brixtonlane@gmail.com. Rest,rest, rest!!!

Lacey said...

You have every reason to want to cry! It cracks me up that Kenny knows to send you to organize something to feel better. It's an emotional roller coaster as it is with a new baby but what you've gone through is more than any person should have to deal with. I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Love ya lots!

Lindsey said...

I am sure it's hard to be kept down. It's bad enough recovering from a baby without all that other stuff. Your body is probably all screwed up. I am sure things will start to be better soon though. Just keep telling yourself it's just temporary and take it easy!!
A good cry is theraputic sometimes.

Laura said...

Kole really is adorable. The part about learning about the "boy spray" really did make me smile. I have boy/girl twins and it was actually our girl that has scored the longest "spray" accomplishment in her life. Haha. The things you learn when you have babies. I hope this week is better.

Devan and Lexie said...

I'm so glad you're able to be up and doing some things. Kenny is such a good husband. I wish organizing things was therapeutic for me! You're little Kole is darling...and yes the pee thing can definitely be a problem. :)

Josie said...

Oh Erin! I'm sure if it was me I'd be crying most of the time and no organizing would have happened at all! I am so glad you are doing well enough to do a post, especially one with loads of cute pictures! And you were even able to crack a few jokes! Very Erin. "You're not going to lose yourself, I wont let that happen. I'll tell everyday how special you are." ;) And speaking of being special and pale and sparkly I hope you got my package. :)

We are praying for your recovery each day, Madi does not forget! Hope you are feeling like yourself again soon. Love you!

Oh and sorry about the scrapbook supplies, I should have thought about that, it's been a long time since I my little boy was peeing all over. :)

Hopie said...

Take one day at a time, sweetheart. You never know what will happen tomorrow, but you have RIGHT NOW. I can't stop thinking about you guys. You are in my continued prayers. I love you!!!

#7 Mockingbird Lane said...

You are very blessed to have a family and a husband who are so supportive and helpful.

Thank you for being so authentic on your blog and sharing even the harder things with readers, like that women do go through many tears after giving birth. It is refreshing to see such authenticity.

Regarding your son's spraying on your supplies: What about getting a room divider? There are many inexpensive dividers out there that fold as small as you need or extend longer if that is what you need. Inexpensive is key when you know it will be sprayed on. ;)

amy said...

erin, considering all you have been through in the past few weeks...you are holding up beautifully!

Kole is such a handsome little guy (speaking from someone who has seen him in person).

I wish I could have sat down & chatted with you a bit more the other day. Too bad I had the kiddos who were anxious to get to the park.

Hang-in there & keep up the good work in getting better each day. You will feel like yourself again one day. Just remember we are all thinking of you, praying for you, and cheering you back to being 100% you.

amy said...

p.s. please let me know if you guys need anything!!!

Kevin and Andrea said...

We missed you too Erin! Funny how organization has healing powers huh? I hope you continue to have more happy days as you get stronger and stronger. Been thinking about you and your family everyday. Lots of prayers are still coming your way as well.

Kole is such a doll, can't wait to keep seeing his cute face :0)

Ann said...

Erin-I totally ditto Katy. I remember a time when I had to stay down for an extended period of time and thought I would die! Then when it was over, I wished I could go back and enjoy it! This won't last forever so enjoy being taken care of, the attention, time with your baby. And you know I will come clean for you! :) Or if you need a laugh, we can sit and talk about Lean Cuisine again! :) I love you Erin! You will look back on this time soon and be "normal" again!

Sonya said...

Glad you are feeling better! I love that organizing helped you feel a bit more like yourself! Sounds like something I would try too!

brandy said...

Considering everything you have been through you are entitled to cry for as long as you want to. I'm just glad you have such a supportive family to get you through this hard time.

And that baby of yours.......oh my goodness he is so adorable. I hope you continue to feel a little more like yourself as the days go by :)

Hinton's Headlines said...

I am so glad you are on the road to recovery. Crying is normal and it will get better and at some point you will feel like yourself again. Hang in there and love your kiddos. That is the best part.

Bobbidee said...

I am happy to see another post from you! I hope you can continue to heal, you have every right to cry--so many different reasons to cry too. We are still praying for you and hope things continue to get better. :)

Kath said...

Normal is over rated. You will never be the same and that, my friend, is a good thing!! You have changed a lot with all you have been through and change is tough. Be easy on yourself! I can still "hear" the Erin we all know and love. You are just resting and re-building.
I love that you have a husband that knows you well enough to whisk you off to a organizing project for therapy:) Darling baby...but I would also be concerned for the wood blinds near the downstairs changing station. just sayin':)

Dayna said...

We're missing you too! Hang in there. It can't get any worse than what you've already been through right??

Enjoy the next few days with Carly. We love you and wish we were there to help out!!

Somer said...

Be patient with yourself Erin (I know - easier said than done). You are so loved. I know your sweet family is grateful to have you home with them - crying or not. Cry all you want.

Crystal said...

I am so sorry for all the tears you have. Having a baby is so emotional to begin with but to compound it with all you have been through it is got to be overwhelming. I have to tell you that I can imagine a little of the thoughts you might be thinkin. I went through a little (miniscule compared to yours)ordeal last summer. I got pregnant unexpectedly with my fifth. Now on paper we were done but my heart was on the fence. Ultimately, I miscarried due to a funky condition (that I won't go into detail about only because it's long). I had to follow up with an oncologist where I was told that depending on test results it would be best if I had a complete hystorectomy. Out of the blue...what!!I FREAKED. Not because I did or did not want any more kids, but more so because my say so in the matter was being taken away. If you are an organized "planner" type of personality (which I am) this was really tough to take. Thank goodness things turned out and I did not have to have the surgery.

So.... I could be way off the mark( and if so please don't be offended by my story).. my point is....It's hard when things are ripped from you. YOUR CHOICE. Done or not, it is a grieving process. Take your time, give yourself a break. This too will pass. Your doing the best thing by just soaking in all those litle baby moments. Going from 2 to 3 for me was the hardest transition (you know two kids-two hands..where's the third hand? Oh cr_p! There isn't one. Plus I did boy first, they are different! Enjoy the love those beautiful little girls will shower down on your little guy. Mother and son relationships are very different from those with daughters. It's special, you'll see. You have so much to look forward to!

P.S. about the peeing...my first was a sprinkler. Just fold a wipe in half and put it on top of his tinkle as soon as you fold down the diaper. Use another to wipe around until you get a fresh diaper under him and ready to fold up. Your lucky, I got it in the face! Ask Sarah what to do..She's around here somewhere! I only had two tinkles to change-she's had four! Take it easy!

Dave, Gretchen, Cam, Abbie & Sadie said...

Yea... I am so happy to see that you have a little energy...back to blogging...back to organizing. I am so sorry that you don't feel like yourself. That is the worst. I wish I could be there for you and help you out. I miss my happy, smiley, friend. I would love to have your darling girls over, and kiss and rock little Kole...if only there weren't so many miles between us!!

Sometimes crying helps to get us better...it is a way to get it all out! It is just hard to cry in front of kids and watch them wonder 'why mommy is so sad'! Don't worry, they will forget about it!! Those dumb hormones...

I love the pictures of Kenny running at the park!! What a cute dad! Those are priceless!! What would you do without him right now!?! I am sure you are asking yourself this all the time right now. I am sure you are leaning on him more than ever! Isn't it amazing how hard times strengthen you so much!

I love you, and am praying for you!! I hope you continue to get better, and build up your energy. Slowly, but surely, you will feel like yourself again. The WONDERFUL, INCREDIBLE Erin!!

Courtney said...

one day at a time, you have many in front of you. So glad I found your blog last week and your health is improving. Your perspective is inspiring.

Oh and yes, boys spray and it is such a mess. Wait until potty training :)