Sunday, October 18, 2009

Silver Lining

I look so happy in this picture, don't I? That's because it was taken last weekend to document what I looked like at 15 weeks (which is what I looked like at around 25 weeks with Ellie. The joys of the third...). This weekend I wouldn't have looked quite so happy. Kenny and I spent Saturday night in the emergency room because I had some complications and thought I was going to miscarry and lose the baby. It was a long, awful night - as all nights spent in the emergency room are. Our night included a lot of waiting, crying, anticipating, freezing (it was SO COLD in there!), waiting, visiting, stressing, and did I mention waiting? Eventually, after an ultrasound, blood work and several exams, we found out that the baby is fine. Thank goodness. I am under strict orders to take it REALLY easy for the next couple of weeks. No exercising, lifting, bending (I'm having a lot of back pain), stress, etc.

Before I had Ellie I got pregnant and miscarried at 11 weeks. Kenny and I had waited 6 years after we got married to have kids. We followed Kenny's type A personality plan to get through law school, pass the California bar, get in a house, teach a couple more years to get settled - and then finally start our family. I got pregnant right away and we announced the news to our parents at Christmas. It would be the first grandchild on both sides of our families and everyone was thrilled. Then at 11 weeks we went in to hear the heartbeat and there wasn't one. We were devastated. I couldn't stop crying. I had a D&C (operation to remove the fetus) and then after a few depressing days I went back to work. One afternoon about a week later I was standing in front of my 5th grade students teaching a lesson on weather patterns and started hemorrhaging. I calmly put a student in charge of the class and fled to the nurse's office where I passed out. The nurse called Kenny and he picked me up and rushed me to the emergency room where we dealt with some complications from the D&C. That was the last time I spent the night in the ER. Being there again last night brought the whole painful experience back to the surface.

I'm extremely grateful right now that the baby is ok. I'm extremely grateful that my parents happened to be in town and were here for support and to stay with my girls all night. I'm extremely grateful for the perspective I now have. My first miscarriage was so difficult for me, but I recovered, got pregnant again, and had my Ellie. I realized that things happen for a reason and my miscarriage (while painful and awful) taught me a lot. It taught me about myself and my marriage. It also taught me how important it is to have support from those you love and those who love you. It's the only way to get through the icky stuff in life. And the best way to enjoy the good stuff in life. Even though I was so stressed and sad last night in the ER about the possibility of losing this baby, I still felt calm. I knew that whatever happened, Kenny and I would deal with and get through together.

Pregnancy is such a miracle. With so many things that COULD go wrong it's a complete miracle when you can carry and deliver a healthy baby. My heart goes out to women who miscarry, deliver a still born, or have problems with infertility. I've had close friends who have dealt with all of these heartaches and their strength, faith, and attitudes have been amazing examples to me over the years.
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On a lighter note, (I know this was a bit heavy for a Monday morning) now that I know the baby is ok I will be taking full advantage of my orders to take it easy. I told Kenny that each night after HE has bathed the girls and put them to bed I'll be needing a back rub, maybe some pop corn, and my favorite shows on TV (you know...since that will help me fully rest and recover). I also better stay away from any major housework...scrubbing, vacuuming, shaking rugs...so he'll have to cover all of that as well. Yes. Every cloud does have a silver lining. And I'll be milking this cloud for as much as I can. And then some.

29 comments:

Liz said...

Erin-I love you! I love your attitude on life! Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly with all of us! Thank you for comforting me on my blog when I was feeling negative and obviously you were going through so much more! I'll be praying for you and that baby! Enjoy the taking it easy!!!

Malea said...

Oh scary. So scary. I had 3 miscarriages. I had hoped that the first would teach me all I needed to learn in life, because I took it so hard. But apparently I was not a fast learner.

You have such a positive outlook
(and an extreme amount of faith in your husband if he is the one to take care of the chores). Have faith, and I'll keep you in my prayers as well.

Kath said...

Let all of the housework go. Enjoy time to "take it easy" because how often do you get to do that guilt free?! Will pray for you and your babe.xxx

Hopie said...

I am so happy that things are going to be ok for your baby. It's scary, isn't it? I don't know how some deal with loss over and over. I love your "glass is half-full" attitude. I think it's rubbing off on me!!!! THANKS!!! Hang in there sweetie and BTW, the belly is soooo cute!!!!

Amanda said...

I'm so glad everything is ok. What a scary night! Take it easy!!!

mattnandee said...

Oh Erin - I'm so sorry to hear about your pregnancy difficulties. My thoughts and prayers will most definitely be with you. Your post brought back many memories of years we tried to start our family and lost baby after baby. I agree with you that things happen for a reason and that our Heavenly Father is fully aware and always takes care of us.

Dayna said...

First of all, I love that you're mixing it up and wearing an extremely cute headband. Second of all, your boobs are looking big. And most importantly, I'm so glad baby and you are ok!!!!

Bring on the popcorn!

amyd said...

OOOh, yes. Please take it easy. We will keep you and the baby in our prayers. I had such a difficult pregnancy with the last one--one problem right after the other and was on "home rest" for the last 2 months. I feel for you and all the worry that goes along with any complications.

Josie said...

You better milk it for all you can!!! So sorry you had to go through such a crappy night, but so glad all is well! And how awesome that your parents were there, what a blessing in a trial. You enjoy taking it easy!!! Good luck Kenny! You can do it you big stud!

Bobbidee said...

That is not fun, I am glad you have an awesome attitude. Thanks for your amazing blog, I love it. :)

Lainee said...

You have the best attitude. I am glad everything is ok. I had a miscarriage before Addie, it was a really hard experience, but like you taught me so much. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your "take it easy!"

BJ and Amber said...

Yes, you better be taking it easy. I sure hope everything is ok! Keep us posted. Meanwhile, enjoy your shows, quit cleaning (like me) and enjoy it! Love you tons!

Megan said...

So glad all is ok with you and your bubba....what a scare you've had! Yep, you deserve to relax and be pampered :)

I miscarried with my first pregnancy and while it was devastating, like you, I learned so much from that time. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I got through it (all my family is in Australia) but we did and it made us stronger.

And we now have two healthy, beautiful, little girls....Natalie (4) and Emma (1). Not sure if we'll go for a third....that will require some convincing of my husband too :)

Shari said...

Erin!!! I'm going to call you in a few min. So glad you're ok.

Erin said...

What a scary weekend. I am glad things turned out ok for you this time. Enjoy taking things easy for a while.

Craig and Kathy said...

Your mom called and updated me yesterday. I am so glad you and the baby are ok. These little ones are miracles! Be careful and take it easy. I will be thinking of you.

Carly said...

Everyone at work keeps asking me if I'm sick today because I look so freaking tired (that and my gray roots are growing out again.) I blame you for my lack of rest - you are done having babies after this round, hear me?! I can't take the stress. I stress about the most mundane, routine things in life; the big ones push me right over the edge. I see you purchased that headband you saw in SLC. Good for you. Now go buy me one for staying up all night by the phone. I'll take mine in gray to blend with my roots!

Amber said...

Glad to hear everything is okay--they definitely need to put a rush order on everything when a mom is waiting to hear if everything is okay with her baby. Glad you have an official excuse to take it easy.

Nicole said...

I'm Nicole and a childhood friend of Ann Morley who told me about your darling blog. It is one of my favorites and I feel that through it, I know and love you, even though we have never met. :)

Good luck with the baby! I am so happy to hear you are Ok. For sure milk the 'rest' for all it is worth. :)

BTW, you should ask Ann about me and then you will know I'm not a wierdo or something.

And keep blogging! Your posts are so cute and entertaining - they always brighten my day! Thanks!

Deena ♥ Curtis said...

Wow girl you better cool it!!! DO take it easy the husband can improvise for a time... Take care of yourself.. PS. They weren't able to tell the gender yet?? I was told at 13 weeks with Cole.. And just out of curiosity was this a "boulder baby"?

amy said...

Erin, I am SO glad that you & the baby are okay. Please let me help you out in any way. We would love to have Addi over for a play date with audra...or we could meet you at a park & I can do all the running around. Better yet, I can clean a house like you've never seen. Cleaning & organizing are some of the few talents on my list. ;) Take care of you!!!

Kami said...

I so relate with this post, Erin. How scary for you all. You really do have a great attitude, and it is such a miracle. I hope you really can take it easy, as easy as one can with two little ones at home.

Jana said...

I'm so glad everything is ok! Will you guys find out what you're having? and yes... milk that cloud :)

Kath said...

PS...you still look DARLING and pregnant...will this last the whole time?! no doubt.

Koni Hunter said...

Oh man, I wish I was there to give you a hug Erin. That makes me so sad to know that all that happened this weekend. What a blessing that your mom was in town. What perfect timing hun?
I am so looking forward to you having #3, we can't let anything happen to this little one!! Besides, how will we be best friends if you don't have a little boy??? That's what it's going to be ya know?? :)
Love you Erin, so glad HE'S ok and you are too!!

Bonnie said...

So everyone covered what I wanted to say so I'll just add this... WHAT A HOT MAMA! Erin you are so CUTE!

Jeena said...

Glad to hear everything is okay. Congrats on the pregnancy. I have been out of the blog world for months again. AAAHHH! Every time I read yours I am amazed at how you are such a fun mom and seem to have it all together. Inspiring.

Brad and Kaci said...

Holy cow! So glad everything is okay! But I agree, you better take it really easy. Milk it for all its worth!

MoDLin said...

So glad you are OK and that you have such a fantastic support system. You're a lucky woman.